


The Misfortunes of Timing

by PearLynn



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Eremika - Freeform, F/M, Humor, It's Vanilla, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Misunderstanding, Unreliable Narrator, eren needs a break, intercourse, tagged characters have speaking parts, teenagers being teenagers, they are 18 at this time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29515494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearLynn/pseuds/PearLynn
Summary: Eren just needs to relax. Unfortunately, the timing of these certain stress-relieving activities cause some questions to rise within the cabin.Eremika "crack" with some comedy and sex. Mostly from Eren's POV and his misery. Some spoilers and references to events in the manga.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Kudos: 135





	The Misfortunes of Timing

**Author's Note:**

> I need sunshine and rainbows and crack and fluff because if Attack on Titan isn't killing my soul right now, I'd be heartless.

* * *

He was tense.

Well, tense was a light word. It didn't quite completely describe the way his body felt wound up and stiff without any sort of exhaustion. It was light because tense was something that he could fix with exercise or meditation, but neither would quite fix this absolute, all-encompassing sensation of being wound up like a string pulled too tight and then wrapped around something still spinning.

Eren was absolutely unable to relax without doing _it._ And he knew it.

At first, when he first discovered his Titan abilities, Eren would pass out or be exhausted to the point of paralysis. His first three transformations on the day Trost had been attacked caused him a week of fatigue. As he grew and learned to better control his abilities, Eren was able to go longer during transformations, have more transformations in any given period of time, and even be able to function after multiple transformations and fight as a regular human.

Unfortunately, he had relied too much on the exhaustion to be able to rest and now he was wound up after a day of three consecutive, drawn-out transformations, and he _needed_ to sleep.

It didn't help that the memories he saw from his father and from his own future had oft kept him up, so much to the point he would watch the moon make her way across the sky almost every night unless he did _it._

Eren didn't have much choice at this point.

He was confident that everyone else was asleep. Armin was on watch, so Eren knew he wouldn't be stumbling into the room for at least another two hours. Levi was with Hange, getting debriefed over the mission that day, plus he didn't make the habit of barging into Eren's room unless he could tell it was dirty or something. Jean and Connie were in their room, already turned down for the night. Mikasa and Sasha wouldn't bother coming to this side of the house - well, Sasha more than Mikasa. His childhood friend had a tendency to check on him on days he's done multiple transformations but she already checked on him around dinnertime when he was first trying to rest.

Without waiting, Eren pulled his blankets over his body just a little tighter and settled into his mattress. He had a routine: warm up his hands on his chest, rub down his stomach then go to his knees and drag them up his thighs. He was proud of his body - it was something he had worked hard to tone and strengthen and it only had gotten stronger with age - so he appreciated it before he was sufficiently ready to go.

When his fingers dipped beneath the waistband of his pants, he grazed the spackling of hair on his lower abs and dragged his palm against it when his fingers finally wrapped around his shaft. He was already hard, his body knowing the routine, and he began pumping his hand up and down the shaft, until he was fully erect.

Eren knew what he liked and was quick to get himself aroused enough to be ready to release in a short amount of time. It was a sprint to the finish, in order to not get caught. He had the rag that was typically stashed in his nightstand, ready in his left hand, slipping it under the covers as he sat up a little and readjusted his hand.

_Almost, almost -_

There was a loud banging on his door and it swung open before Eren could feign sleep or at the very least act as if he had just been woken up at the knocking.

Holding the door handle was Jean, and he was staring at Eren like he knew _exactly_ what Eren was doing. For a long moment, the two teens stared at each other with wide eyes, and peripherally Eren noticed his arousal being wiped away entirely and disappearing as quickly as his cock softened.

"Oh my God, Eren, that's gross."

Sputtering, Eren tore his hand out of his pants and clutched his fists in his lap. "You barged in here without a warning!"

"I knocked!"

"One time!" Eren shouted back. "Go away!"

Jean started snickering and started to close the door behind him. "Okay, bud. I'll leave you alone with your thoughts then."

As the door clicked shut, Eren threw a pillow at it and growled in anger. Not that he _could_ now!

* * *

The following morning, Eren rolled out of bed when the sun was already halfway up the sky. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep and was feeling an acute amount of exhaustion as he dragged his feet towards the dining room. In there were Connie and Sasha, whispering to themselves and giggling as Eren passed through the threshold.

They both silenced immediately when they spotted him, thinly-veiled smirks on their faces, and he grunted at them before going to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

Their snickers were loud as his back was to them.

Weird.

By the time he had gotten something to eat, they were both gone but Levi was sitting at the table, drinking some tea.

"You're up late," he remarked in his dry tone, not even looking up at Eren from the papers on the table.

"Couldn't sleep," Eren replied as he set his plate down. His head was fuzzy, his focus lacking. Had he been in a better state of mind, he would have seen the strange look Levi gave him as he sat.

"I can tell."

Eren grunted and started eating.

"Hange wants to see you when you have a chance."

Eren grunted again.

"There's something that needs to be clarified for the report regarding the other day."

Eren swallowed and turned to Levi. "I gave Hange my full write-up when Armin and I got back. And I'm sure Armin's is more detailed, anyway."

"Don't ask me what it's about," Levi remarked. "Jean was supposed to go fetch you last night but he said you were _busy_ so he asked me to ask you when you got up this morning."

Eren froze, mid-bite, and his eyes darted to Levi. The officer's expression did not betray anything, but Eren knew better than to rely on reading the face of an Ackermann.

"Did..." Eren swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. "Did he say anything else?"

Levi met his eyes, stare as blank and deadpan as ever, and he replied, "Why would he?"

There was _something_ so small in his tone that told Eren that something else was afoot and he suddenly lost his appetite. Stiffly, he stood, grabbed his plate, and brought it back to the kitchen.

His mind was blank as he made his way back to his room and shut the door behind him. Armin was still sleeping, having come back in the middle of the night when someone switched watch with him. When he had returned, Eren had been hiding under his sheets, feigning sleep out of his mortification, not even budging when Armin whispered his name.

Nope. Not going to talk to _anyone_ after being interrupted the way he had been.

He was still exhausted and _still_ tense as ever, so he knew he probably needed to do try again soon so he could just get some fucking sleep.

Armin was supposed to be going back to Shiganshina with Connie and Jean with a portion of the Scouts to resupply in a few days, so the only people who would dare barge into his room at night would not be there.

Eren decided he could probably go a couple nights a little tense. If anything, he could volunteer to do watch duty if that meant keeping his mind off the thoughts that bounced around his head in the middle of the night.

"Oh, Eren! Here you are!"

He turned towards the door, halfway-dressed in his day clothes, and Hange was standing the doorway with a strange look.

"Commander Hange," he replied with a nod. "I was about to come see you."

"Sure, sure," Hange waved him off and smiled. "Come to the living area when you're done. I'll wait there."

 _That was weird..._ Eren frowned and finished pulling on his clothes and boots before going out into the hall. He made his way through the house and as he turned a corner to go to the living area, he ran right into Mikasa. He caught her elbows with his hands, disturbed at her lack of typical awareness, and their eyes met.

Her face turned bright red and without saying a word, she broke out of his grasp and shuffled away.

_That was even weirder..._

Once in the living area, his mind occupied with why everyone was acting so damn weird, he sat across from Hange and prepared to go through the events of the prior day in full detail. Again.

"Eren let's begin," Hange started while looking at his report. They discussed the entire write-up, both Armin's and Mikasa's reports from the day, and discussed what Levi had to say regarding it, as well. It was nothing out of the ordinary, save for a correction of the type of boats in the harbor and the number of enemies versus new "allies" within, and it only confused Eren even more.

Hange had _been_ there, too. Why would the Commander need to go through all of this stuff again? Was there something he missed?

_What the hell is going on?_

"Now, Eren..." Hange trailed off, adjusting the papers, then paused before sighing and continuing, "It has come to my attention there's some new development with your Titan abilities..."

"Huh?" Eren squinted at Hange and frowned. "Not that I know of?"

Hange hummed and then wrote something down. "Uh huh... So this is something that has been consistent with since you started using your Titan abilities?"

"Commander Hange, I'm confused..."

"Oh!" The commander adjusted their glasses and straightened the stack of papers on the table. "Well, Jean mentioned something to me this morning and I was just making sure it wasn't something of note when it came to your Titan abilities. Armin has yet to exhibit these types of symptoms so I theorize it has to do with the amount of time you have been a Shifter, not necessarily being one at all."

Eren frowned, suspicion starting to tickle his mind. "Jean mentioned...?"

Hange nodded. "Yes, Jean indicated that you were pleasuring yourself last night when he went to fetch you for the debrief. And he said something about having noticed the timing of it before but not really making any connection until last night?"

Eren choked on his own spit and felt his face get hot as he coughed. "What _exactly_ did he say?!"

"That you tend to pleasure yourself after a day of shifting." Hange grinned and added, "And that perhaps the action of shifting causes some sort of hormonal reaction in your body!"

"What would give _anyone_ that idea?!" Eren all but shouted.

"Well, are you refuting it?" Hange asked nonchalantly, as if the question and discussion of Eren masturbating had not literally been brought into an official debriefing session. "Because if so, it's perfectly normal to -"

Eren shot to his feet and stomped out of the room. "I'm going to _kill_ Kirstein."

* * *

It explained the stares. And the snickers. And the comments.

Eren tried to let them slide off his shoulders and ignore them completely, but Jean's self-satisfied smirk and Sasha's giggles did nothing to ease the anxiety Eren was beginning to feel in the presence of his comrades.

He volunteered to go on watch duty, to which Jean muttered, "More likely to get caught out there, buddy."

Eren then requested to go on a mission to the sea again, where Levi remarked he'd have to bring Jean and Connie this time, because they were in the middle of a duty switch, and then Eren immediately changed his mind. Levi's nod and snort were biting.

It wasn't until the group leaving for town were chuckling with each other as Eren approached with a crate of burlap sacks.

"I guess you'll have more privacy now, Eren," Connie stated before Armin wacked him in the shoulder. Eren stared at the other three men in Levi Squad and proceeded to drop the crate on their toes before spinning on his heels and marching back into the cabin.

He kept himself in his room for the remainder of the evening.

At least he could _try_ to elevate the tension and get some real rest.

Eren skipped supper, feigning sleep when Mikasa came by and knocked, and when the cabin was completely silent and not even the crickets outside dared to make a sound, Eren started his routine and was hard in his palm before long.

His mind kept wandering to the others, and fear of getting caught again were shoved to the back of his mind as he quickly made work of his erection.

He was getting close - so close - and he thought of the sea, of flying in the sky, of soft milky hands -

A knock interrupted his thoughts - _again_ \- and he was smart enough to whip his hand out of his pants and roll onto his side to fake being asleep again.

"Eren?"

He opened his eyes to see Mikasa opening the door, peeking her head in and eyes meeting his.

"Oi, what is it, Mikasa?" The roughness in his voice from his strain could easily be mistaken for sleep.

She stepped in and approached his bed. "You didn't have supper. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He nodded and pressed his face into his pillow, thankful that the darkness of night did well to conceal the burning of his cheeks. "Just tired."

"You've been avoiding everyone," she remarked as she sat on the edge of his mattress. Right by his lap.

Eren's eyes shot open and he stared down to where her behind was an inch from the tip of his cock - still hard and weeping with want. He shot his gaze to her and luckily she didn't seem to think anything was afoot, at this not obviously. Instead, she reached over and placed her hand on his forehead, pushing the hair out of the way in the process.

It felt nice, he hated to admit. Mikasa always had the softest touch despite having the strongest hands. Without thinking, he hummed and settled into her touch, letting himself relax a little before he replied, "I don't want to deal with it right now."

"Because of what everyone has been saying?"

He met her eyes and frowned. "No."

She shifted to face him better. Unfortunately, the curve of her ass grazed the head of his dick in the process and a shot of pleasure ran to his hips and up his spine. He resisted the urge to flex his hips to the touch, but his control was lacking. Mikasa froze, eyes wide and cheeks turning ruddy in the silvery moonlight.

Eren's throat was tight and his face hot with mortification. He choked on his words, _anything_ to take that one second back.

"Mika-"

She shot to her feet and made her way to the door. "I guess I should leave you to rest, then."

And promptly shut it tight behind her.

Eren's hands were shaking and his dick deflated entirely. Just a moment too late.

* * *

When Armin, Jean, Connie, and Levi returned, Eren had not gotten any significant sleep. He had tossed and turned, body aching for rest but his mind unable to let him.

Despite what Jean had so graciously told their comrades, Eren's inability to sleep had not been because he needed to jerk off on days he transformed into a Titan. Sometimes, the stress of _everything_ was building up too much and he needed _something_ to help him relax. Dreamless sleep often came when he did _it._ Dreamless sleep meant not dreaming of the dead faces his future holds, or of seeing his friends parish in ways he could never imagine on his own.

One look in Sasha's eyes would give him nightmares for days. Levi saying his name would cause flashes of kicks and blood and broken promises. Mikasa's very scent would cause him so much agony that he would purposefully avoid her when he knew she had just bathed or got back from a workout. At least then, he could try to stop the nightmarish visions his future held. Then he could try to sleep without doing _it._

Unfortunately, it wasn't working anymore. He needed something because he was set to go back to the sea in a few days and he had barely gotten a full night's sleep total in a week.

"You look like shit, Eren," Levi commented as they entered the dining area. Eren had been zoning out and hadn't even noticed them enter the room.

"Uh... thanks."

Levi's unimpressed stare caused him to look away, back to his plate of now cold food.

"Still can't sleep?" Jean piped up from behind the captain, a smirk on his long face. He carried a basket of food into the kitchen, with Connie and Sasha right behind him with more goods.

"Oh stop, Jean," Connie started, and oddly enough Eren was comforted, until Connie spoke again, "He probably just needs to wack off again. Since he hasn't transformed in a while, it's probably hard for him. Let him go upstairs and we won't bother him."

Sasha's ill-covered snort was the last straw. Eren, suddenly more alert than he had been in days, stood and stomped out of the room. The laughter trailing behind him was loud enough for him to hear even as he reached his room and slammed the door shut.

Armin had yet to come up, but Eren did not have the mind to speak to him, either. So he gathered a change of clothes and left the room to go to the bathroom for a shower. No one else was inside - thank _God -_ and he shut the door sounded behind him before locking it.

No one would bother him in here.

Eren hated the idea of his comrades thinking lowly of him. He wasn't a pervert, he would swear it until the day he died. He was tense and awkward and stressed the hell out and doing _it_ helped ease some of that tension. The idea of what it connected to wasn't something he gave attention, because with as much that was going on in his life, finding someone else to partake in that specific activity with him seemed to be few and far in between. It had only crossed his mind _once_ and even then it seemed silly and stupid.

Sometimes, the action alone of doing it helped bring him back to earth, to bring back the humanity he felt slipping through his fingertips like sand with every transformation and memory of the future invading his consciousness.

The shower did nothing to ease his tension or mortification, so he stiffly turned off the water and toweled himself off. Once he was dressed, he stomped out of the bathroom and made his way back to his room. He could lock himself in there until they left for the sea in a few days.

Better for them to get a kick-start on hating him for distancing himself rather than what he will be doing to them in the next year.

He opened his door and inside his room, on his bed, was Mikasa. Eren met her eyes, those cool and impassive eyes that had been a staple in his life for almost a decade, and he sighed.

"I don't have the energy to be teased right now, least of all by you."

"I'm not here to tease you, Eren," she responded softly as she stood. "I wanted to see if you were okay. I got back from my chores and the others were laughing about you in the kitchen saying something about you running away again. Armin offered to come up but Levi needed him."

Eren stared at her for a long minute. He knew Mikasa, probably better than anyone else in the cabin, so he knew when she was being genuine. He couldn't deny it made him feel safe, almost comforted, but the circumstances - as well as the fact that she had barely spoken to him since the night she came to check on him last - caused Eren more unease and an upset stomach.

"I'm fine," he insisted before throwing his dirty clothes in the basket at the foot of his bed. "I just want to go to bed."

Her cheeks turned a cute pink color and she murmured, "It's not even lunch time."

Eren, realizing the implications after the discussion that had been going on in the kitchen during his shower, sputtered and shook his head vehemently. "N-no! Not like that! I've barely gotten any sleep and -"

Mikasa pushed past him and said as she passed, "I'll just leave you to your business, then."

Before he could pull himself from the spot he had rooted himself to on the floor, the door shut softly behind him and he resisted the urge to scream and go beat up Jean.

* * *

The day Eren and Armin were set to go to the sea with Hange and Sasha, Mikasa stopped by their room to say goodbye.

Eren did his best to keep things normal, despite the awkwardness that everyone had had around him in the past week, and he succeeded nominally. He felt tense and stiff and unable to use words, and Mikasa seemed to not notice. And hand on his shoulder, sliding down to his hand before squeezing it softly and hugging them both, wishing them luck.

As much as Mikasa had begged to go, Levi needed her to aid with training of new recruits.

The ride on their horses from the cabin base took a few hours, and leaving at sunrise gave Eren plenty of time to let his mind ease into blank meditation. As soon as the sea wall was in sight, Eren hitched a breath and shook himself alert.

"Eren?"

He turned to Armin, who was staring at him expectantly.

"Yeah?"

"You know what we're doing this time?"

Eren looked back at the wall and towards the hill that overlooked the shore. "Yeah."

For three days, they maintained camp and watched for approaching ships. They intercepted one in the harbor less than a day into their stay, where many of the people on the ship had been Eldians forced to try and invade Paradis.

With Hange's personable skills, more than half agreed to stay in Paradis as allies. The others were drowned when Eren's Titan destroyed their ship.

Yelena's radios certainly helped in the success of these missions, he admitted sourly to himself. All a part of Zeke's plan, all a cog in a machine he had no chance of stopping.

That night, Eren stared into the fire and his mind went blank. He sent mental apologies to the souls he killed, his fellow compatriots, and he swore not to weep until his people were safe.

It was them or him, he had to rationalize to himself. He would much rather kill to protect the ones he loved, even if it meant becoming a devil in the process.

He already knew that's what he will do in the future, anyway.

"Can't sleep?"

Eren looked up to see Armin standing over him, a cup proffered in his hands. The steam rising from it promised a decent drink. Eren took it with a small, grateful smile, and drank the contents inside. Tea. With liquor.

Nice.

Armin smiled when Eren nodded with approval, then sat next to his childhood friend. The silence between them was peaceful, only broken by the crackling of the fire and the sea lapping against the shore. Eren was content with it.

Eren stared into his half-empty cup, watching the light of the fire dance across the surface. Although he wasn't completely able to relax, or even keep his mind off the memories that plagued his dreams, he was more at ease here than he had been in weeks. Today, he transformed twice and he was still wound up, but he didn't feel nauseous at the tension churning in his stomach. Unfortunately, he was tense enough from so much pent-up stress than his joints were actually starting to hurt.

He wondered if masturbating would even alleviate this stress or if he was doomed to be like this for the rest of his short life. This much stress wouldn't be relieved with a one-time jerk.

"Are you alright, Eren?"

"Hmm?"

He met Armin's eyes, already starting to feel languid from the liquor and exhaustion, and he nodded. "'m fine."

Peripherally, he was amazed that the liquor was doing this to him. And he wondered if he could be drinking this instead of relying on the pleasures of the body to help him sleep.

Armin nodded, then looked back to his own cup. "I know what the others have been talking about has been getting to you. I don't want you to feel like you can't be comfortable around me anymore because of what I've heard."

Eren sighed and lowered his cup. "Armin, you've known me since we were kids. Have I ever given you the impression that doing _this_ is what gives me my jollies?"

Armin snorted and shook his head. "No. Not at all. In fact, I wanted to let you know that you shouldn't worry about what everyone is saying. They're all cheerful from the success of our recent missions and felt like doing some light-hearted teasing."

Eren grimaced before he finished off his drink and grumbled, "Not very light-hearted if you ask me."

"Well, sex is perfectly natural - "

Eren spit out what drink was in his mouth and shouted, "Shut up! I don't want to talk about it!"

Armin chuckled and patted Eren on the shoulder. Eren coughed and brought his knees to his chest, content with burying his face in his arms to hide from his friend's sight. Unfortunately, Armin was not done talking.

"You might need to find a new way to relieve your stress," he suggested, causing Eren's cheeks to feel hot. "Your original outlet doesn't seem to be working."

Eren pressed his forehead to his elbow and mumbled, "I haven't... _done it..._ since Mikasa caught me..."

Armin laughed this time, "Mikasa caught you?! Oh, I bet that was an interesting moment - "

"Shut _up_ , Armin!"

Eren's face felt like it was on fire. The teasing hadn't stopped by leaving the cabin and his humiliation seemed to blossom tenfold under his best friend's scrutiny.

"Lighten up, Eren," Armin said after a moment as he placed his hand on Eren's shoulder again. He fought the urge to shove it off, but instead buried his face deeper into his elbow. "I do it, too, from time to time. It just helps take the edge off, you know?"

Eren's ears burned and he shot his head up, whipping his head towards Armin to gape at him with shock.

Armin merely shrugged and added, "I'm a man. I have hormones. I barely noticed them before because we were trying not to die and all, but I know when my body needs something. It's more unhealthy to deny it."

Eren's trying not to vomit in his embarrassment and he sputters, flabbergasted, as he tries to reply, "It's not like _that,_ Armin! I just... It _helps_ when I can't sleep. If I do it, I don't dream. If I don't dream, I can actually rest. It's not... _dirty_ or anything like that."

Armin shrugged again. "It's never dirty."

Eren pressed his chin to his forearm and heaved a deep breath. "I just... I'm more tense after I shift. I can't sleep when I've done it because my mind just runs through the shift over and over and over again, and then more memories start to pop up and suddenly I'm just... It takes my mind off what we do. I can't help the timing of it all."

"Do you think about anyone when you do it?" Armin replied, causing Eren to gape again. "It may help make it go faster so you're less likely to get caught. Maybe you could even have actual sex if the masturbating doesn't help anymore?"

"Oh my God, Armin, _shut up!"_

"Oi! Look alive, Titans!" Hange said from behind them, causing both to turn and face them. "There's another ship spotted on the horizon. Probably a second wave anticipating us intercepting that first ship. Let's get a move on!"

Eren and Armin both nodded and shot to their feet. The fire was put out with dirt and Eren leapt down the cliff to reach the shore, where he bit his thumb and sped into the water.

Vaguely, as he picked up the ship and hauled it to the dock over his shoulders, Eren was thankful that the Titans didn't have any sex organs. Having a Titanic raging boner may be more frightening than the Titan itself.

* * *

Once Hanji declared it was time for them to go back and rest, Eren was sufficiently exhausted. Several days of transforming or staying up late into the night to keep watch took a toll on his body. All he wanted was to go back, shower off the sweat, grime, and sea water, and go sleep for a whole day.

Jean was on lookout when they arrived, seemingly over his teasing as he nodded in greeting to both Eren and Armin, and Eren was first inside before making his way up the stairs. Armin was content with showering second, but that didn't matter in the end because as soon as they stepped inside he was pulled aside by Levi - something about needing to report and plan ASAP.

Eren would likely be done showering and already in bed by the time Armin was done with the Captain.

Thank goodness.

"Eren?"

He turned from his dresser to see Mikasa standing in his doorway, eyes wide with surprise and hope and home. Something leapt inside Eren, and he swallowed against the sudden tightness in his throat.

"Mikasa."

"How was your mission?"

He smiled. She was acting normal again. Good.

"Not bad. They're sending more ships over than we planned, but Hange said there weren't any scouting reports saying there were anymore."

Mikasa hummed and entered the room. "That's good. Did you rest at all while you were there? You look exhausted."

Eren shook his head, but did not feel unease at her question. "Too much work. I'm going to shower and then try to sleep."

"We're supposed to go help with the railway tomorrow," she reminded him. "So you will need as much rest as you can get."

Eren looked at the bundle of clothes in his hand, mind wandering with thoughts of how little sleep he would be getting since they were going to be leaving first thing in the morning. He sighed, turned to her, and said, "The thought of rest is very fleeting at the moment."

Mikasa, as blank faced as she always was, said pointedly, "You could always take care of yourself."

Eren, wide-eyed and stunned, felt his face get hot. He was gaping, like a fish out of water, and sputtered, "N-not you, too! Can you _please_ stop teasing me about this?!"

She shrugged again and replied, "It's perfectly natural to pleasure yourself. I do it. The others were only teasing you because of the timing of it all. Not because you masturbate. I'm sure Jean does it every chance he gets, so he has no room to tease you for doing it at all."

Eren barely heard the last sentences, his mind fixated on her words _I do it_ as it echoed in his head. However, he was still absolutely _mortified_ and pushed past her to go to the showers.

He sat under the running water for longer than necessary, eyes unfocused as his mind ran through what Mikasa and Armin had said to him.

_It's natural._

_I do it._

_It's never dirty._

_It's more unhealthy to deny it._

_I do it._

And then Eren's mind went to Mikasa alone. She had always been _there._ A constant in his life. He wouldn't deny his frustration at her insistent need to take care of him, to rescue him. But her comfort and presence in times that he felt at a loss or defeated almost always helped him regain his footing and keep fighting.

When he envisioned the future - before he knew what it held - he imagined Mikasa by his side, as she always had been. It was easy, it was natural. He never thought of anyone in the context that Armin had suggested but Mikasa was truthfully the only one Eren could see himself even attempting to do it with.

He knew how she felt about him. He chose to ignore it most of the time. There was too much going on and if Eren was being perfectly honest with himself the idea of giving Mikasa even more reason to be emotionally attached to him, he knew that what he would have to do in the future would be that much harder.

Plus the idea of hurting her even more than he already had to made his chest hurt in a way that he wouldn't dare explore.

Eren blinked and was suddenly aware of the water getting colder on his shoulders. If Mikasa was _willing_ and the need was bad enough, would it actually be as bad as he's painting it out to be?

She already loved him. Would having sex with her really make him leaving in the future that much harder on her?

Or would it make it easier for her to hate him and do what needs to be done?

Eren shut off the water and toweled himself off. He was semi-hard, thinking of Mikasa and her pale skin and the fact that her fingers are always so soft despite her abilities as a soldier. And she's always been beautiful, in a way that was unexplainable to him. His need to protect her outweighed his need to be separate from her, and her need to protect him always outweighed her need to save herself.

She would do it, if he asked. She would fuck him, if he suggested. Mikasa would do it because she wanted to, because she loved him. And he'd be using her to get rid of the tension and anxiety, and to help further the inevitability of her hating him when he left them in the future.

He sighed and pulled his clothes on before trying to discretely tuck himself in his pants so his growing erection wasn't noticeable. When he stepped out into the hallway, Mikasa was still outside the door but Armin had joined her, holding a bag and giving her a tired smile.

"What's going on?"

His closest friends turned to him, and Armin flashed that same tired smile to him. "I've been called to headquarters. Levi and I are leaving tonight so we can get there as soon as possible. After, I'll meet you all at the railway."

"You never get to rest, do you?" Eren asked while he dried his hair. "Do they need me, too?"

Armin shook his head and pulled his bag on his shoulder. "It's classified, but I have been requested specifically."

Mikasa was frowning, but when her eyes met Eren's she gave him a small, reassuring smile. Eren, in turn, perked up the corner of his lips and clasped Armin on the shoulder. "You're probably getting promoted. Congratulations, asshole."

At Armin's surprised face, Mikasa giggled softly and hugged him. "Let us know how it goes."

With a nod and a smile, Armin waved them both good-bye and made his way to the stairs, leaving Mikasa and Eren alone.

The silence wasn't awkward, but Eren's mind hadn't strayed much from what he had thought about in the shower. When he looked at Mikasa again, she was already staring at him. Though, she did not look away when their eyes met. Instead, she gave him a small smile and took his hand.

She always did that first, but he never let go when she did. "Can I walk you to your room?"

Dumbly, he nodded and she led the way.

As they walked, Eren thought about the tears in her eyes when they were stranded in front of the Titan that had eaten his mom and Hannes, of her confession and her smile and how she was clearly trying to kiss him then. He tried to remember what he had said in response to her gratitude, but his mind was coming up blank. Truthfully, he was so transfixed on how his heart had been a crushed mess at the moment and her words had sparked it to life.

How her hands had been so warm when they were wrapped around him as he carried her to safety.

They entered his room and Eren shut the door behind him, softly and gently enough that the lock barely made a noise as it slipped into place. There was no going back now.

Mikasa finally let go of his hand and sat at the desk under his window. Armin would often read in that spot, and sometimes Eren would sit there and write down the memories he gained from his father and Eren Kruger, but nothing of the future. He would never memorialize them in writing, lest someone discover them and know what he was privy to due to his Titan's abilities.

As he pushed away the dreary thoughts of the future, Eren looked at Mikasa and sighed, "I'm sorry for being such a prick lately."

She smiled and leaned against the table. "It's alright. I understand. You're really stressed out right now and can't get any relief."

He frowned deeper. "I thought you said you were done teasing me."

"I'm not teasing," she replies in that flat, no-nonsense way. "I was honestly surprised at first, but I understand why you would need to do something like to ease your mind. If it helps you calm down, by all means do it."

Eren opens his mouth to retort, but stops short at the sight of Mikasa's face. She's almost smirking, in the way he could see, and her cheeks had gained just enough of a pink smear that he knew immediately that she was blushing. Her soft lips are parted, breath coming out just heavy enough to not be typical.

_Is she... turned on?_

He feels something rumble in his chest, something deep and feral inside, and he does the only thing his mind can think of: he approaches her, takes her face in his hands, and kisses her.

It was easy to do. Press his lips to hers and let himself get lost in the kiss. The other cadets had talked about it while they were training, and he recalls a time when Eld and Gunther had been discretely discussing the finer points of sex in hushed tones while Petra and Levi had been talking separately from the group.

There had been some lewd suggestions referring to the latter two that Eren refused to acknowledge, now that the three members of the squad were gone.

Unfortunately, just like his Titan abilities had first manifested and he had operated on muscle memories of his predecessors, Eren relied on the memories of his forebears when it came to kissing the only girl he could ever see himself loving.

Mikasa, oblivious to his internal thoughts, had whimpered against his lips and kissed him back with fervor he knew came from her love for him. Eren loathed it, he loved it. He was stuck between wanting to continue because it felt _so nice,_ or stopping because he knew that it would hurt her beyond imagining in the end.

All the more reason to do it, so she can actually kill him like he knew she needed to.

He shifted so he could lead her to stand, and then to the bed. Mikasa, as strong and unbowed as she typically was, let him guide her until her knees hit the mattress and he pushed her down. She may have strength over him, but he had enough height to gain the proper leverage to get her to move.

She propped herself up on one hand while the other grabbed his shirt, her fingers grazing the damp skin on his chest, and he felt himself shudder at the touch of her soft skin on his.

Eren was completely helpless at this point.

As confident and beautiful Eren knew Mikasa to be, he also knew that she was as floundering in experience as he was at this moment. Try as he might, he could not deny that she only had eyes for him. The recent flashes of the future made him want to push her away towards someone like Jean that would clearly treat her the way she deserved to be treated, but the selfish part of him made him never want to let her go, not now when he had finally gotten a taste of her.

Mikasa's fingers fiddled with the ties of his shirt, and when he busied himself with kissing down her jaw and towards her neck, she started unbuttoning her own shirt. By the time his teeth were grazing her collarbone, she was peeling her shirt down her arms and tossing it to the side. She was impatient, and silent in her greed for his body, so wordlessly she nudged him to move so she could pull his shirt over his head.

Once his chest was bare, their eyes met and Eren let out a haggard breath. Mikasa was stunning, truth be told. He could deny his desire for only so long, and Mikasa seemed willing to wait until he had finally had enough.

He wouldn't be able to make it five more years without tasting her flesh and hearing his name on her lips.

"Eren..."

He smirked when he kissed her again, and now he was pushing her down to lay completely on the bed. He settled himself between her legs, ready to follow the instinct that led him as a Titan, and she gripped his shoulders tightly.

She sighed into his lips and started fiddling with the ties on his pants. Eren was impressed with her initiative, and started following her lead with working on the ties of hers. Once his were loose, Mikasa pushed on his chest, telling him silently to sit up, and as he broke the kiss and shifted his weight to his knees, she sat up with him and smoothly pulled her bra over her head and tossed it to the side with her discarded shirt.

Eren didn't have time to gape at the newly revealed skin, because she was shucking her pants off and kicking them - and her panties - to the side before grabbing the waistband of his pants and underwear and pulling them down his legs. The shock of cold air on his erection brought him to the present and he helped her get his clothes off entirely.

Without warning, Mikasa wrapped her slender fingers around his shaft and pumped, causing a strangled gasp to tumbled out of his lips. She stroked him similar to how he would take care of himself, and too soon Eren was panting and ready to come.

"Mika-"

She let go and Eren quickly kissed her hard on her lips as he pushed her into the mattress. The tip of his cock grazed her inner thigh, but he was lost in the touch of her skin. He relied on the memories in this moment as he dragged his lips from hers and started trailing kisses down her neck and to her chest. He licked her nipples, reveling in the suppleness of the skin and the weight of them in his hands, and the continued down her strong core until he reached the apex of her thighs.

A hard kiss on her hip bone and then dragging his tongue to her center felt like muscle memory for the moment - oh, how he wish it had been his own memories fueling this - and he kissed her wet folds like they were her mouth. She writhed above him, whimpering and grinding her crotch against his face, until he was sliding a finger into her and pumping it in and out in a shadow of what he would be doing in just moments. She was shaking in his grasp, gasping, and soon he felt her core tighten around his finger as she moaned his name.

Eren was impatient, so without warning, he pulled his now-wet face away from her and positioned himself along her slit. He wouldn't last long, he knew. But she was already primed for him, having orgasmed so quickly, so the duration of their coupling could be short this time.

Only this time.

He adjusted his head at her opening, and when her eyes met his he pushed himself in. Her mouth hung open in a silent gasp, eyes bulging and face reddening, but that was almost lost in the sensation of her warm sheath enveloping him entirely.

In that moment, Eren knew he could _never_ go back to doing this on his own.

Quickly, he started thrusting into her. In no time she was panting and gasping underneath him, undulating to the point that she practically pulled him in with every thrust. Eren was lost in her. She was tight and warm and wet and he was so caught in the look in her eyes that when he came, it was so hard and swift he felt like he had been punched in the gut.

She kissed him then, right as he felt the orgasm ripple through him - or was that from her walls fluttering around him one more time, milking him for every drop?

Either way, he was absolutely winded and his knees felt weak to the point of collapse. Mikasa kissed him again, softer this time, and he pulled himself out of her with a wince.

Quietly, they adjusted themselves so they were laying so the covers and the darkness of night concealed their nudity.

Eren was eternally grateful for no one coming to interrupt them, like he had so ungraciously been for the past weeks. Mikasa was cuddled up on his chest, huffing from exertion and eyes fluttering with exhaustion. He was right behind her, ready to drift to sleep, when she hugged him a little tighter.

"Eren?"

"Hmmm?"

"I have a question," she whispered against his skin, and Eren hummed again as he adjusted their bodies so he could see her a bit better. Mikasa had the nerve to look embarrassed, considering what they had just done it was moot, and her fingers fiddled with the ends of her hair as she met his eyes again and continued, "Does... does turning into a Titan actually make you more aroused? Because I think we can take advantage of that."

Eren stared at her, utterly shocked that she would even ask that considering all that he had gone through in the past week, and he did the only thing he could think of: he kicked her out of the bed.

* * *

**_fin_ **


End file.
